


Waxing Diabolical

by Ardwynna



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7558372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardwynna/pseuds/Ardwynna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five guys from out of town take in a popular tourist attraction and get completely out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waxing Diabolical

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Up_sideand_down](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Up_sideand_down/gifts).



Sephiroth tramped in place in the cold, quiet and glum. Cloud reached out and took his gloved hand. “Hey, come on, it won’t be so bad,” he said, inching up in line. “There are worse things than being outvoted.”

Sephiroth blew foggy swirls into the air, eyes on a particular turn in the street. “I suppose,” he said. The line they were in snaked around the building and into the lauded vaults. He drew himself up and stifled a sigh. Cloud tightened his grip on Sephiroth, blue wool mittens curling around black leather. Sephiroth allowed himself a smile and squeezed back. “At least Genesis will be happy,” Sephiroth said.

“So we won’t have to listen to him bitching and moaning all night,” Cloud said, snuggling as close as he dared out in public. The line inched forward again. 

“Guys! Hey, guys!” They looked back to see Zack bounding around the corner. “We parked the car!” He barrelled face first into Sephiroth’s chest. Sephiroth plucked the back of Zack’s collar between thumb and forefinger and peeled him off. 

“We got the tickets,” Cloud said. 

“Whoo,” Zack said. “Gen and Ange are right behind me.” He glanced back. “Well, they were.”

“They’ll catch up,” Sephiroth said, taking another step forward. When they entered the building proper, the turn up the street would be out of sight. So close. He sighed. 

“This is going to be so much fun,” Zack said. “I’ve wanted to come see this since I was a kid. How about you, Spikey?”

Cloud glanced upwards at Sephiroth, still casting wistful eyes in the distance. “Not so long.”

“This is gonna be great!”

“Of course it will,” Genesis said, catching up from behind them. “It was my idea.” He and Angeal inserted themselves into the line, ignoring the grumbles from the people behind. All five together, they inched towards the entrance of Madame Tussauds.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Oh. My. Goddess. It’s Shah Rukh Khan!” Genesis zipped down the ramp into a Bollywood party, frozen in time. He circled the wax figure in question, examining it from every angle. “Looking good, my man.”

Sephiroth took his time going down. “I’m not sure what he sees in these.”

“What, Bollywood?” Angeal kept pace beside him, smiling at Genesis’s obvious excitement. “It’s drama, singing, and really shiny costumes. How could he not love it?”

“Oh, Aishwarya,” Genesis was saying ahead of them. “If I were at all into women, beautiful, you’d be the one for me.”

Sephiroth snorted then stopped short. “Hang on a second.” He looked the statue closest to him up and down. “What’s wrong with this one?”

Angeal cocked his head back. “What do you mean what’s wrong with him?”

“All the others are dressed up for a gala, look at them.” Sephiroth circled around. “Where’s his shirt?” 

Cloud heard him and coughed. Zack spun around, grinning. “That’s Hrithik Roshan, Seph.”

“Who?”

“Hrithik ‘The Body’ Roshan,” Cloud elaborated. 

“Yeah, that’s… pretty much what he’s known for,” Zack said, joining Sephiroth in circling the wax figure. “I mean it’s not everything everything, but with a body like that what else do you need.”

Sephiroth scoffed. “It’s not that great.”

Angeal sighed. “Seph, you don’t have to be so- what, what are you doing?”

“Comparing,” Sephiroth said, handing Cloud his coat. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. “Now,” he said, striking a pose as cameras started flashing his way, “who’s got the real body here?”

Angeal buried his face in his hand. Zack stepped beside him and rubbed his back. “Hey,” he said, “at least he’s not grumbling about coming to a wax museum anymore.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“I had no idea Tom Cruise was so short,” Genesis said, making his way down to the next section. “I mean I’d heard, but to see it in person.”

“I know,” Sephiroth said. “You think Cloud will outgrow him?”

Genesis looked at Cloud’s back and sized him up. “It’ll be close. Let’s make sure we feed him right.”

“Well, I’m glad you two are having fun,” Angeal said behind them, “but no more public spectacles if you please.”

“Yes, mother,” Genesis said. “Ooh, look, it’s Patrick Stewart.”

“Sir Patrick Stewart,” Zack reminded, bounding off to pose with the man. “Looking good, Sir Pat Stew! Angeal, take my picture!”

Only Cloud heard Sephiroth’s little choke. “Seph,” he said, reaching out to brush the back of his fingers against Sephiroth’s hand. “What’s wrong?”

“His head,” Sephiroth said, staring aghast. “It’s so shiny.”

Cloud folded his arms. “Seriously? Here I thought you were having a PTSD flashback or some shit.” 

“That’s not traumatizing?” Sephiroth said, pointing at the statue’s reflective, waxy pate. “I’m going to have nightmares. You’ll need to hold me.”

Cloud rolled his eyes and grabbed Sephiroth’s hand to pull him into the group picture. “Of course I’ll hold you, but seriously, you’re as bad as Gen when you want to be.” Sephiroth hung back. Cloud leaned forward with all his weight. “Come on, Seph, picture time.”

“No,” Sephiroth said. “I don’t want to catch the bald.”

Cloud let go and watched Sephiroth stumble back in surprise. “Off a wax statue?” he asked when Sephiroth had recovered his balance. Cloud shook his head. “Even if that kind of thing was remotely possible, it’s some damn sexy bald.”

Sephiroth took another look, considering the possibility. “Come on,” Cloud said, taking Sephiroth’s hand again. “If it bugs you that much you can lend him some of yours for the picture.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

After Genesis declaring a height contest with Morgan Freeman (and losing by a smidge), trying to peel Sephiroth away from Dame Judi Dench (“I want her to hold me. Forever.”) and scolding Zack for peeking up Marilyn Monroe’s skirt, Angeal was possibly, maybe, slightly, just a little bit beginning to regret his vote. There was far too much mischief to be got up to in a waxworks museum.

“Genesis, stop giving the Queen rabbit ears,” he said. 

“Why? Everybody else was doing it.”

“If everybody else jumped- No, you know what, go right ahead.” Angeal held his camera up and aimed with a sigh. “Say ‘cheese’. Or whatever ‘Everybody else’ says.”

“Do you think ‘Everybody else’ gropes Prince William’s ass?” Zack asked. “Because I am so doing that right now.”

Angeal took the photo and resolved to complete the tour solo.

-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey, when did we lose Angeal?” Zack asked, bouncing up behind Genesis.

“I’m not sure,” Genesis said, taking in the Beatles. “Last I saw him was sometime after Seph took Cloud to take a picture with E.T.”

“Well, I guess we’ll run into him at some point. Hey, is that M.J.? Oh my god! I wanna grab his crotch!”

“Zack,” Genesis said, running to catch up with the young man. “Remember to ask him for permission first.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The museum was much more tolerable without having to herd and parent his pack of wild lovers. Angeal wandered through the waxen popstars and musicians, rather enjoying himself now that he was on his own. Then he saw her.

Five and a half feet of bountiful curves and attitude for miles. If Genesis had a female counterpart, Angeal would swear this was it. Genesis had his Goddess. Angeal had just found his. He stepped up on the stage, aching to get closer. He circled around, admiring from all angles. He reached a hand out towards a hip. 

“Angeal!” Zack yelled, shocking the man out of his trance. 

“Uh, hey, Zack, Gen, you caught up,” Angeal said, diverting his hand into his own hair. 

“Oh, don’t you ‘Hey, Zack,’ me,” Zack said, wagging a finger, “telling me to behave, then trying to grab Beyonce’s ass.”

Genesis shook his head. “I always knew a badonkadonk would come between us.” 

“It’s not what it looks like,” Angeal said.

“It’s completely what it looks like, Hewley,” Genesis said and let out a heavy sigh. “I always said you’d be the first of us to go to jail.”

Angeal stepped down, somewhat sulky. “How so?”

"Because you're no good at hiding. You seen Seph and Cloud anywhere?” 

“A while ago,” Angeal said, looking back the way he had come. “Seph was sitting down to breakfast with Audrey Hepburn.” 

Genesis quirked an eyebrow. “You know, I think he has something of a type when it comes to women. Come on, I want to go see Ghandi.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sephiroth and Cloud caught up with them while Zack was trying to measure Barack Obama’s ears. “I can’t believe you walked with a measuring tape for this,” Angeal was saying, doing his part as a human screen.

“You can borrow it if you need to go back and measure Beyonce’s butt,” Zack said. Genesis laughed till he snorted. Angeal crossed his arms and resigned himself to a lifetime of jokes. 

“Hello, um, hmmm,” Sephiroth said, trying to make sense of the scene. 

“Hey, guys!” Cloud said, bouncing towards them. “Whatcha doing?”

“Measuring body parts, apparently,” Angeal said. 

Sephiroth cocked his head and squinted at what Zack was doing. Then his brows raised and his lips parted in surprise. “Are they…?” He glanced around and lowered his voice. “Are they anatomically correct?”

“What?” Angeal said. 

“What?” Genesis echoed. “Hey, we weren’t measuring anything like that.” A spark lit his eye. “Although, now that you mention it….”

“No. No, Gen,” Angeal said. 

“I don’t want to measure, I just want to know.” 

“Then ask Zack,” Angeal said, trying to keep his voice down for the sake of the small children running about the place. “He looked up Marilyn’s skirt and grabbed Michael Jackson’s groin.”

“Apparently we missed a lot,” Sephiroth told Cloud, who shrugged and wrapped Sephiroth’s arms around him like a scarf. 

“All done,” Zack said, punching numbers into his phone as a record. “So are we measuring wax dongs or what?”

“WE,” Angeal said, “are going to view the waxen images of some of the world’s greatest leaders and for once,” he said, casting sharp glances at the most dedicated offenders, “treat them with a little respect.”

“Roger that, Booty-grabber,” Zack said. 

“I didn’t grab the booty!” Angeal said, making everyone turn around. 

Genesis shook his head. “Really, Hewley, making such a spectacle of yourself. We just can't take you anywhere.” 

Angeal massaged his forehead. “When we get back I’m going to have a long, hot soak in the tub and a bottle of good scotch.”

“Leave a note for your mother in case you drown,” Genesis said, disappearing into the crowd. 

When the rest of them caught up to Genesis, it wasn’t the bespectacled old man who had his attention. “Gen,” Cloud asked, “are you okay?”

Zack followed Genesis’s line of sight to the woman clad in shimmering green and veiled in white. “You got a thing for Benazir Bhutto now?”

Sephiroth looked impressed. “I didn’t think she would be your type.” 

Genesis approached with a fascination that bordered on reverence. “I. Want. Her. SHOES!”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Angeal sighed and tightened his scarf. The wind had picked up while they were in the building, and it found every gap in their layers as only a London winter wind could. Zack hopped in place and whistled. “Good going, Gen. Get us all kicked out for molesting a wax statue.”

Angeal looked skyward. “I should have known this was coming.”

“Rather strange, I think,” Sephiroth said, “considering all the nonsense that was going on in there anyway.”

“Yeah, but nobody else was trying to actually up-end the figures,” Zack said. Genesis pulled his coat tighter around himself and smiled to himself, not even having the decency to look ashamed of himself. 

Cloud glanced up the street to where a certain doorway awaited. He tugged at Sephiroth’s arm. “There’s still time, if you want,” he said, indicating with his head. 

Sephiroth raised his head, his frown melting away. “There is time, isn’t there? How about it then?”

“How about what?” Angeal said, looking like he needed that scotch a lot sooner than he had planned. 

“221B, Baker Street,” Cloud said. “We can do it.”

“Hey, yeah, I’m game,” Zack said, jumping in place. “How about it, Gen?” 

Genesis smiled. “I think I could be alright with that,” he said, “because Madame Tussauds is going to have a mystery on their hands soon enough.” He opened his coat to reveal a pair of sparkly green pumps. 

“Genesis!”


End file.
